Descend. Three hundred and sixty-five days ago I started writing the first lines in this blog.

The next few lines will be at http://sometimesalways.blogspot.com

For new visitors, I would suggest you scroll right down to the bottom and read upwards first. *Weak smile*

The inevitable has come. I have kinda decided to stop blogging. Even if it's not for good, I will not know when I will blog again. Tommorrow? Next month? Or next year?

Along the way in this few weeks, I had already been toying with the idea and I actually spoke to some people about it. People had asked me why, but I seriously cannot think of any particular reason. Must there be one? For that fact that I can't even think of a really good reason on why this blog existed in the first place other than the fact that blogging made me feel good like diary writing did in my younger days. Surely blogging has brought me alot of joys. I have gotten to know more friends through blogging and I suppose it also provided an extra dimension of me to some of the people around me.

On Friday afternoon, I just felt like putting (Here's Where The Story Ends) by The Sundays on auto-repeat.

Looking back...

2001 had it's ups and down, I am sure it would be the same for 2002.

On music
- It's a worrying sign that I have been actually listening to lesser and lesser new music. I have actually been pretty lost on stuff other than reading URB. In the past, I had listened to so much stuff that I could compile a list of Top10 albums of the year. I think I might even have a problem of coming up with Top10 songs for 2001. I was a little bit disappointed with the new Orbital album even though I had to wait three months for the US pressing. Notable mentions for the songs that left an impression - (Funny Break [One is Enough]) by Orbital, (Analyse) by The Cranberries, (Crystal) by New Order, (Imitation of Life) by REM, (Strawberry Mousse) by Anjali, (I Might be Wrong) by Radiohead etc. Let's hope that 2002 would be a more exciting year for music and that I would spend more time on them. Keep a lookout for Chemical Brother's new album.

On film
- Unlike music, I went crazy with movies in 2001. By the end of the year, I should have caught over a hundred films. Went for four film festivals (Israeli, Singapore, French, German). The most intensive one being the forty-six show binge over a three week period during the Singapore International Film Festival. Absolutely fanatic behaviour. A rundown of some of the films that touched me - Requiem for a Dream, Prince et Princesses (French animation), You Shouldn't Worry 2 (French), Taxi 2 (French), Thomas in Love (French), Wild Zero (Japanese), Spirited Away (Japanese animation), Crazy (German), Circus Palestina (Israeli), Lord of The Rings. Best film has got to be Yi Yi (A One and a Two - Taiwanese), which was the opening film for 2001's Singapore International Film Festival.

On books
- Biggest thing that I have discovered this year (rather slow, I would say) is Nick Hornby, even though he has not quite dislodged Sue Townsend (Adrian Mole diaries) in my mind yet. It's a good thing that I have been getting back to my reading habit this year. While the two juggernauts in Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings came along, I have strangely found myself to be rather indifferent towards the books. I must say that it's because of the movie High Fidelity before I started noticing Nick Hornby. There isn't really any book that makes me wanna shout about it but the book The Love Hexagon by William Sutcliffe really made me ponder alot about human relationships. I hope that I get to read All Families are Psychotic (Douglas Coupland) and Glue (Irvine Welsh) soon.

On work
- We have narrowly missed the target set for 2001. I spent a alot of time worrying about the results in the earlier half of the year when the numbers were really low until the volume really kicked in after the second quarter. One thing that I have learnt about working in an environment that is made up of 80% females is that one has to be really sensitive about people around you. Not that I am gay but I think I had to develop "female instincts" just to survive in my job. 2002 is going to be another tough year and I hope that the experience that I had gained over 2001 would help me to get by for another year.

On friends
- Made quite a bit of new friends this year (some from blogging). Gotten closer to older ones. We had our very first overseas trip together when we packed off to Hong Kong in July. I guess it helps to be a less intense person but there's really nothing much I could do about it.

On myself
- I have definitely learnt more things in 2001. I have also tried my hand at learning how to be kinder to myself. I have learnt to accept things for what they are. It's hard to accept the truths sometimes but sometimes that's just the way things are. This bit has been especially true when it comes to people. I wished that I could feel lesser and lesser for people when things don't work out but it's proving to be difficult like it always was. There has already been three instances this year when failed relationships with people (not necessarily romantic) left me in tatters. I am really hoping that there would be no more emotional roller-coaster rides with people anymore. Three in 2001 is enough to kill me. Relationship with my folks are not improving at all and I doubt it would in 2002 Perhaps it's just one of those things.

On going forward
- I would like to be more humble. Hopefully, I would also get a chance to embark on what I had wanted to do for a really long time and that's volunteer work. Originally, I had wanted to start doing it with my other half once I got attached (which means that if I ever asked someone whether she would be interested in doing volunteer work with me would naturally mean that I am interested in her). I really wonder if I would have the strength to do it myself. I have always wanted to do it with someone I really love so that we could "grow" together along the way. I would also like to be learning how to take things easily and not be so uptight about things.

On blogging
- It's been really nice. Especially when I got emails asking me about The Stolen Child, Lilac Saints CD etc. The people that I have met from blogging have been really great too. There's really no why I am taking this hiatus. I am glad that my blog had spurred a few others to start blogging too. Someone even got upset when I mentioned that I am going to stop blogging. No one should. I would still be around if anyone wants to email me and I promise I would write back. I just really wanna spend more time getting my life straightened out. Maybe I would retract my position and start blogging again tommorrow. I really don't know. If anyone sends me their email address, I would email to tell them what is my new blog URL if I ever decide to blog again. Rustic appeal would be history after this blog.

New Year's eve was a relatively quiet affair. Just chilling out at a friends place playing cards. The most memorable New Year's eve I had was the Millenium crossover. I had packed the Top10 CDs for the year 1999 and started playing them back to back with the last track ending exactly at 12.00 midnight. All I had to do is to work out the time for all the CDs and it turned out that I had to start playing the first CD at 2.00pm. By 12.00 midnight, I would be at Bedok Jetty watching all the ships out at sea shooting their distress flares up into the sky and sounding their horns while listening to (It's The End of The World as We Know It and I Feel Fine). I just wanted to be alone by myself.

"It's that little souvenir of a terrible year which makes my eyes feel sore..."
"Oh the devil in me said, go down to the shed, I know where I belong"
"But the only thing I ever really wanted to say was wrong, was wrong, was wrong"
"It's that little souvenir of a colorful year which makes me smile inside"
"So I cynically, cynically say, the world is that way, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise..."

How apt. Thank you and goodbye.

The Oddfellows performance was pretty short but good. It touched me deeply when they played (The Unity Song). It's one of those songs which I hoped that the radio would play on my way to school when I was 18. I just sang along when they played that song. Caught up abit with Stephen from BigO, it's been awhile since I last spoke to him. Told him that I have been "quite off" the music and that I haven't been listening to much for the past two years.

Oddfellows would be playing again on 31st Jan 2002 at Library @ Orchard. While he was signing on my CD (entitled Bugs And Hisses, which I bought on the spot), Patrick Chng told me that they would be playing new material at that gig. I think I should be there again.

I would be leaving work early to catch Oddfellows playing live at the Library @ Orchard at 7.00pm.

Me and another of my colleague are the only marketing team members who are in today. Everyone else is on leave.

It's been cold and drizzling for the past few days/nights. I think the weather pattern would be like that until the first half of January. I took leave yesterday to try to spend some time by myself. It's really good to be able to spend time to connect with oneself.

Actually I had planned to go shopping. Wanted to see if I could grab some clothing for Chinese New Year. I know it's abit early but I really hate last minute shopping when I have to fight crowds or endure with the words 'No more' from sales assistants. I was specifically looking for red short-sleeve shirt (which I can wear to work) and a pair of jeans. I have already got new shoes (I have three pairs of new shoes which I haven't worn) and new socks already.

I don't think I am ever a "shopping" person even though I make good company for shopping. It's no surprise that I sometimes view it as a chore, unless when I am overseas or when I am in a really shopping mood. G2000 had a 40% storewide sale, I tried for the size and went on to buy the same shirt in five different colours. I am not so fussy about the clothes that I wear to work. I never liked shopping for "workwear" too.

I was very tempted to grab the Levis RED jeans. They look totally unlike Levis and more like some cheapo jeans which you can find in markets. The $238 price really put me off. I have done my research and I found out that it costs 22,000 Yen in Japan or 189 USD in the US. I guess I would think about it. If I get this, my shopping needs will be satisfied and I can live for another six months without shopping.

A war would be raging in Singapore starting tommorrow. Yes! It's the start of the Mango sale tommorrow! *mad laugh*

All the holidays are screwing up my orientation of days in the week. It didn't feel like Wednesday to me but it is. It's time to kick myself again for missing FilmArt yet again.

I haven't blogged in five days. Just wasn't in the mood to.

Finally caught Lord Of The Rings on Saturday. Only one word - Impressed. It should make it to my top ten films I have seen for this year (which is impressive considering the fact that I have probably watched over a hundred films since the start of this year). Ate at NYDC (Wheelock Place) for the first time in my life. Committed a sin by going for the absolutely yummy Cookie Monster Mudpie (which I commented that "Mudpie" is actually just euphemism for "ice-cream cake").

I actually slept through the whole of Sunday.

Christmas eve was a quiet affair with a few close friends. A dinner followed by some games (e.g Uno). Was actually home before midnight. Christmas day was worst. I didn't even feel like going to the house warming and the "theme" party (this year's theme is "Hats"). I have never missed any of the "theme" parties and this year I did. I had very memorable "theme" parties.

This first year which I went was "Polka dot" night where each of us had to turn up in some polka dot gear. We watched Santa Clause together and had a really nice game of Bingo. The next was six years ago. Another year we had "Back to School" where everyone had to turn up in school uniform! It's really hilarious seeing people in their thirties wearing school uniform (I am the youngest in the group, most of them are in their early thirties and married). In another year, we had "Beng/Lian" night when each of us had to turn out in our "Bengest" or "Lianest" self. The last one I went to, was the "Old folks" year when each of us had to be in our "sixties", complete with white hair and all. We had two years in between the six years which we didn't have any "theme" parties (which was three years back and last year) for some reason. They had one this year and I wasn't there.

Something must be really wrong with me.

Looks Iike I am going to put on alot of weight for this Christmas season.

There was a Christmas lunch over in our office today. They had all the sweet, fried and oily stuff. There's going to be another dinner with my closer friends on Christmas Eve, a gathering over at my old classmates new place (the couple that just got married) the next afternoon and a "theme" party on the evening of Christmas day. Food food food. Uck.

I bought one whole bucket of "candy canes" and I went around all the floors in the office distributing them to people I know, giving them a handshake and wishing them,"Merry Christmas". Was really surprised how a little gesture like that ignites a really warm response from people. Since I have given out about a hundred of them, it means that I have known/worked with at least a hundred people this year. Amazing. I was really touched by the smiles on the people's faces. Especially when I told those people with young kids that they can pick another one for their kids. *Grin*

Everyone is either on leave or away (boss is on leave until next year). I am the only one doing all the dirty work (conducting training, UAT test on Saturday. *Sigh*). I am taking leave on Boxing Day and I am going shopping.

Watched Ocean's Eleven last night. I always liked shows about big heists not matter how unbelievable they are. I wished they had started showing Spirited Away this week but I guess I would have to wait for another week.

I received an email from the shop that sells the Transformers tees informing me that the stuff's here. I am going to pick them up and that would be the Christmas present for my brother. Watching Lord of The Rings tommorrow afternoon. Looking forward to it.

I should be kicking myself now. I wonder how I could forget about catching FilmArt last night!! Felt really horrible this morning.

I caught the Transformers movie last night (courtesy of Morpheus again). Was quite good despite the poor picture quality. No complains because it's free anyway.

For some reason, most people I know actually like the bad guys (Decepticons) more than the good guys (Autobots). Even though Megatron is really bad, personally I think he is the coolest. He transforms into a high powered pistol. When I visited Hong Kong, there was one set of the Megatron Transformers toy selling for $300. I don't think there are many of these around these days.

Even the Decepticons emblem is cooler than the Autobots one (which is also the same reason why I like the wear the Decepticons tee more than the Autobots one).

Had a very bad back spasm this morning (thanks to my prolapsed disc) so I took half the day off after my session of UAT at the branch (UAT : User Acceptance Test). The bad news for all of us is that the whole UAT has to be redone because of some problems with the cycle cut.

Flagged a cab because I can't really walk with my back spasms.

My brother borrowed some Captain Tsubasa VCDs from his friend. I wanted to start watching them but I realised some of the earlier discs are missing. I am a really big fan of Captain Tsubasa.

Captain Tsubasa (or "Tian1 Shi3 Zhi1 Yi4", the Hanji title - loosely translated into "Wings of the Angel", but "Yi4" could mean feet or wings in Chinese. "Yi4" actually refers more to "Ta4 Kong1 Yi4" who is the main hero inside the series). It's probably not as popular as the ubitiquious "Dragonball", "Slamdunk" or "Doraemon". Strangely enough, I first stumbled upon Captain Tsubasa in my days of playing Nintendo games. I started playing those Captain Tsubasa games and I was really fascinated by those really fanciful kicks which the characters in the game could do (e.g Tiger Shot, Drive Kick, Drive Overhead Kick, Tornado etc). I even remember renting original Japanese Captain Tsubasa comic books from the old Seiyu (when they were still in Marina Square) and trying to read the comic without really understanding all the Japanese. Until some local publisher (Chuang4 Yi4) bought the rights to some of the manga titles and they began publishing translated Captain Tsubasa comics. I was quite disappointed when they changed all the names of the characters inside the book to Chinese names. The first series of Captain Tsubasa comics had thirty-seven books. I still have an old Captain Tsubasa poster at home.

All these are endearing memories.

The lowdown on the KL trip!

Friday afternoon - Headed off to Ban San Street Bus Terminal to board the Singapore-JB Express after we changed our money to RM at Bugis Junction. We dropped off at Merlin Tower in JB and found out that all the tickets were sold out! Decided to try out luck at Larkin bus terminal. A decision was made to head back home to Singapore if we cannot get tickets for any bus earlier than 8.00pm. There was this ang moh trio (One old man and a couple) that had alot of bags with them from the same Singapore-JB Express bus we took whom are also headed for Larkin. On the way to Larkin, the bus broke down and we had to transfer to another bus. Poor ang moh trio has to move all the bags from one bus to another.

Late Friday afternoon - Bought tickets from a tout (about 3RM more per ticket) for a 3.30pm bus. The ang moh trio were smart enough to buy tickets too so we were on the same bus with them again. After waiting for half an hour, we were told to change buses again! The look on their faces! The guy was swearing (and sweating) while lugging all their bags to the next bus. The bus finally moved off at 4.15pm.

Friday evening - Heavy jam at certain parts of the North-South highway because of really bad road accidents. Managed to reach Puduraya (KL's bus interchange, easily the most chaotic place that I know of in KL) at 11.00pm, two hours off schedule.

Late Friday evening - Took the LRT from Pasar Seni station (which means "Art Market" in Malay, the station is a stone throw away from Central Market - one of the tourist attractions) which is within walking distance of Puduraya. Struggled real hard with the ticket vending machine because it doesn't take in the notes properly. Found out that we could actually just buy tickets from the station control.

Friday Midnight -My uncle lives within walking distance of the Taman Melati LRT station. We went out right after we showered after dropping our bags. Took a cab to Jalan Alor, which houses the some of the best hawker food in KL. Supper was really good and we decide to go clubbing afterwards. Hailed a cab to The Beach Club.

Clubbing time - The Beach Club is easily the most popular club around. There are other clubs surrounding it but none of it has the crowd like they do. Back in March, I loved Flux when I visited but Flux is like a dead joint now with less than seventy people inside. I really wonder what happened. The very last time I visited, Joe Caussell was playing as a guest DJ with at least two thousand people inside and I had to pay RM38 just to get in. This time however, I noticed that Flux's decks were manned by a cute, young girl and I was really impressed. The Beach Club has all types of people - expatriates, locals, Malaysian SPGs, tourists etc. It's weird because they play a very weird selection of Top 40, old skool hiphop, gangsta etc. Really weird mix. Of course I loved the hiphop bits (especially the old skool bits which you don't really find back home). Me and my friend were looking at all the Malaysia babes in their tube tops and open-toe heels. Looks like they have better clubbing scene than us?

Wee hours on Friday - We were approached by a pimp cum taxi driver. I have never been approached by a pimp in my life before. Feels funny. We got home at 4.00am.

Late Saturday morning - We went down to Puduraya again to get bus tickets for our return trip. To our horror, everything was sold out. Luckily I managed to land two seats on a Transnasional (the SBS of Malaysia, the most reliable bus service provider) bus to J.B for 9.00am, Monday morning. It's really great luck because Transnasional seats are always the first ones to be sold out. For a while I thought we were going to be stranded.

Saturday afternoon - Finally, we found out where we could take a bus to the Skyway cable car station at the foot of Genting Highlands. It seems like all the north-bound buses are all now housed in Huta (because Puduraya is too packed and chaotic) terminal. After reaching the Skyway cable car station, we had to queue one hour just to get to the cable car. Breath-taking view on the way upwards. While we are near the top, we could see nothing but clouds. Really feels like you are looking out into a sea of white cotton. Mesmerizing.

De Casino - This is where Malaysia never sleeps. I am someone that you would call an "Accidental Gambler". My friend was the one who was really keen on it. He even wrote 1650 on his hand and told me that the number is the target profit (not many people I know leave Genting winning as far as I know). He had a base of RM500 while I only had RM250 with me. After fifteen hours, I pocketed an extra RM300 and he pocketed RM500 extra but it was not without it's risks. At one point, I had only RM100 left and I could have almost lost my base if I lost another two hands at "Tai Sai" (Big Small, a three dice game). My friend had won RM700 earlier and lost everything including his base. He had to advance another RM1,000 from his credit card before he could get back his base and an additional profit of RM500. I decided to call it quits after hitting RM300 in winnings knowing that luck would eventually run out for me. It's too "heartstopping" for me to bear. That "voodoo" table (that was what I called it afterwards) had eight straight "Tais" (Big) and I betted on Big for seven games at RM25 each. Unbelievable but true. On hindsight, both of us could have lost everything.

Sunday afternoon - We didn't sleep at all and we went shopping after washing up when we got back from Genting. There is only one place that a person needs to shop at in KL and that's Sungei Wang. Forget about KLCC or Mid Valley (largest mall in Southeast Asia). Sungei Wang is like Far East Plaza, Funan and Sim Lim rolled into one.

Sungei Wang - I am normally not a shopping person, but when I get into the mood I do shop like mad. Bought five tops in two hours when I don't even buy more than one for half a year. Was really tempted to fork out money for a GBA (Gameboy Advance). We decided to use our winnings to go for a really good foot massage. It was heavenly! There is one place where I never fail to visit everytime I am in KL and that's Victoria Music Centre. I got to know the lady boss a few years ago when I bought a banned Manic Street Preachers album - Generation Terrorists (with the excellent, excellent Motorcycle Emptiness). This is the first time she's not at the shop when I visited and also the first time I didn't buy anything from the shop. The staff at her shop really know their stuff.

The Ship - Just opposite Bukit Bintang Plaza (which is linked to Sungei Wang) is The Ship restuarant. We decided to pamper ourselves with really good food. We had escargots (yum!). The Ship there is no longer related to The Ship in Singapore (Shaw Centre) and the food selection, price and quality is at least ten times better. The Ship in KL really kicks ass. This is the second time we have eaten there.

Chinatown - We took a long walk from The Ship to Chinatown to hoard some local delicacies back for our colleagues, friends and family members. It was packed with alot of people. They sell the famous "Wo3 Lai2 Ye3" bak gua there. We were really tired because we haven't really slept at all after the Genting ordeal. Slept early after we packed everything.

Monday morning - Boarded the bus at Puduraya and for the first time the bus left on schedule.

Monday afternoon - The shortest return trip I ever had. Four hours and fifteen minutes and I was back in Larkin. We decided to do more shopping at Holiday Inn and the City Centre. It's nuts considering the fact that I am carrying an 30kg backpack. We stopped for a hair wash and it's was absolutely heavenly all over again. A neck massage, facial wash, hair wash all for RM12.

Late Monday afternoon - The part that I hate the most about visiting Malaysia is the customs. All the people packed into one tiny miserable room. I am very sure that is a serious fire hazard. It's alot worst when you are carrying such a load. Took the Singapore-JB Express back to Ban San Street and took the MRT home from Bugis Station.

Back at work now. *Sigh*

Looking forward to my KL trip. Making the trip after lunch.

I am using the profit that I made from selling the IPAQ to go on this short break, otherwise I would have never been able to afford it. I have to bring along one set of office attire because we are going to visit the casino. The casino demands that all male patrons to be dressed in a shirt/tie or batik (which is Malaysia's national dress).

Listening to Luke Slater's Wireless album now. An album constructed using really weird samples like computer beeps, radio frequencies etc. Delicious. Orbital even had samples of door knobs and stuff. Weird but true.

There's this really huge swelling on my gum. It's worrying.

Ironically, the last marketing program that I screwed up on is the last program to bring in the results that we would need to meet our year target. My boss was jumping with joy and I felt really glad. Good news is rare in such an economic climate. I see how my other colleagues from other departments putting up a black face perpetually because they know there's no way they could have hit the target.

Alot of people would rather be a low level employee in a high growth area of the company rather than a high level employee in a low growth or stagnating one.

I will enjoy my weekend. Hope everyone enjoys theirs as well.

Great show on FilmArt last night. 6ixtynin9. Wonder what's it with dead people and alot of money. Here's a recap of the older movies that I have watched that surrounds dead people, money and people going on mad rampages just to get the money

- Boogie Nights - when a everyone dies after a bizzare and messy shootout in a convenience store, Don Cheadle makes off with the money and starts his own business in hi-fis.
- Common Wealth - Spanish film shown on FilmArt two weeks back, old man who wins the sweepstakes dies and all the neighbours hanker after the money.
- Adrenaline Rush - Japanese film shown during 2000's Singapore International Film Festival, some innocent teenager survives a freak blast in a Yakuza hangout and makes off with a nurse and a huge bag of money. Hilarious caper when we see the other Yakuzas chase this couple for the money.

I like the part when everyone is pointing guns at everyone else in a room for five minutes and then everyone starts shooting everyone dead when the phone suddenly rings.

Trust me, there would be more shows with such instances when an innocent person picks up ill-gotten money and all the trouble for that person after this person tries to pocket the money.

It's crazy but it took twenty-four hours to defragment my hard disk.

Come tommorrow afternoon, I would be on a coach to KL. Looking forward to shopping, some clubbing and food. My friend would like to gamble (and hope to win big) on Genting Highlands. Wish him luck.

Surreal.

I was in a bus on my way back to the office and suddenly all the very old A-ha songs (yes, I listen to A-ha even though I know it's embarrassing) came to mind. Because the bus passed by Empress Place it reminded me of the time when I was twelve and owning a pirated A-ha casette tape. It takes me, to be in a bus, passing by Empress Place and suddenly you are reminded of the music of yesteryears. It's strange how places remind you of music, vice versa. Back then, I was at the super old NRO building at Empress Place to get my IC (if you remember the old laminated ICs) done.

When I listen Hackers soundtrack, Perth comes to mind. Because the first time that I heard the Soundrack, I was on a plane to Perth.

I really feel like digging out my old A-ha CDs for a listen. I have every A-ha CD except the latest one. Even though A-ha was famous for their hit (Take On Me), that is my least liked A-ha song. All I need is for the radio to play (Take On Me) when I got back to the office. Surreal like I said.

I was absolutely disgusted at (Take On Me) remade by one of those boybands. Being a boyband is bad enough. But a boyband ripping off others!? *Humphz*

I have actually sold my IPAQ off after one week of fiddling with it. I rather I get back some moolah because I just can't seem to maximise the use of it. Like what I told my friend, the IPAQ is too powerful for me. I guess it's back to pen and paper now. I packed everything back into a box and tommorrow I will cease to be a proud owner of an IPAQ.

It's strange that I have actually dreamed about owning an IPAQ for one whole year only to use to for a few days and re-selling it after that. Stuff about human desire is really unfathomable. There is really this irrational consumer in everyone, as my boss says all the time.

On my way home, I met a really old friend which I have known since Primary 3. He even used to sit beside me in Primary Six. Now he's a high flying senior auditor in one of the big accounting firms. He's also legally married now and waiting to move into his new flat in Punggol. Both his folks and himself would all be moving out of my neighbourhood. Time really flies. I have known this fella for a whopping seventeen years! Deep inside, I feel so happy for him. Seems like every grown bird flies out of this old neighbourhood.

I had supper with my brother last night to catch up with him. That poor boy had his handphone (Nokia 8250) stolen. He's been hit with a spate of bad luck - failing his driving test 200m away from driving centre due to some "seizure" he had, punctured tyre for his motorbike and now this. I have been asking him if he needs any financial assistance from me.

I am going to stop writing about all the negative emotions/actions. They are not the reason for the existence of this blog.

I finally got to talk to a friend whom I haven't spoken to for a long time. I finally got the answers to some of my questions that I wanted even though we just dropped each other off the cliffs that last time we spoke (read : intense). So many things has happened for each of us during this period of time. It feels weirdly calm for us to talk again. If there is a term that I would ever use to describe the outcome for this conversation, it's going to be an ambivalent term - "uneasy glad"

After lunch, strangely I just feel like I wanted to hear Mazzy Star's (Fade In You). Ten minutes later I wanted Stone Roses (I Wanna Be Adored). Luckily I do have The Complete Stone Roses in the office. By the way, Ian Brown has a new album.

With a long holiday coming up, I am actually trying to plan for a trip to KL. I need a break. One of my colleagues visited my blog. I really wonder what's the reaction after my colleague finishes reading the whole thing.

I screwed up badly on one of the marketing programs that I am working on. It's a bad mistake which I never make. I really just waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

What's worst is that my boss is on urgent leave and there is no one to help me.

I removed some stuff and pasted four Chinese characters on my monitor this morning - "Yu4 Ren2 Bu4 Shu2". Means either -

i) Bad karma with people
ii) Meeting the wrong people
iii) Knowing people at the wrong time

Pretty much sums up the whole thing. This is confusing. This is awkward. This is painful.

Maybe like what some of my friends say, being nice only gets you nowhere. You get taken for a ride. People hurt you. People take you for granted. Humans will be humans.

For every type of broken relationship (family, friends etc), it's painful to pick up the pieces and move ahead. More so when you know that there is nothing you could have done really.

I am putting on The Cure. I need it really.

It feels strange. Two months has passed since I last started this thing. Many a times I wanted to kill it (and I told alot of people this as well and they also said they never understood why). We shall see...

There was a team-building offsite on Friday and it's the most unbelievable workshop I have attended. All of us were at Beaufort Sentosa (which was a really nice place - lotus ponds, roaming peacocks etc.) and 90% of the workshop was "highly interactive". We had to pitch a tent (not the Army two-men tent type) in half an hour, build a stool from a plank in half an hour (hammers, nails and saw) etc. All of us were sweating out in the hot sun and 80% of the participants were dainty girls. All the moans and groans. I don't know about the girls but I had great fun. As a round-up of the day's activities, all of us have to do a Trust Fall and the comment was that I did the "prettiest" fall. *applause*

Saturday was a "lazing around" day at my best friends' place. Although I am totally helpless with Metal Gear 2, I had great fun. Perhaps now I could understand why they shelled out so much moolah for a PS2.

Having time on my own is good in it's own way. Did a little introspection and took stock of my life.

As individuals, why do we allow ourselves to be hurt without condition by the ones we love? Why do our loved ones continue to hurt us without knowing that we harbour such pain and agony for them because of our love for them? What would they have done if they knew? Why do love and pain go together as one coin with two faces?

This is the end of the year. I am drained - emotionally, mentally and physically. Shoot me rather than letting me bleed to death.

I have decided to neglect my IPAQ tonight and devote time to it over the weekend. Quite a few things has been happening over the past few days actually.

I bought my "immediate" colleagues (as in my immediate boss, people from my department) Japanese buffet lunch over at Checkers (Hilton Hotel) because I would have clocked one year on this job on 6th Dec. The bill was almost $200 but I really wanted to thank them (even though I don't see eye to eye with the two girls on alot of occasions), especially my beloved boss. He took a big risk in employing me - someone with 0 banking experience (not even a banking/finance degree) and 0 experience in consumer lending. He spent time to teach me everything I wanted to know (which also includes things that are not about consumer lending) and impart me his excellent Access and Excel skills (e.g Vlookup). While the five of us are gorging ourselves with food, I said that I would like to have the chance to buy them a good lunch again on the same day next year.

6th Dec is the birthday of our "super dua towkay" (that is the term my boss coined) - i.e the Head of the consumer finance business. There was lunch for twenty-two of her direct reports at Sketches (Bugis Junction). It was a mad three hour lunch when I actually fell asleep close to the end. There is this special significance of 6th Dec. First it's my ORD date (which every male in Singapore can remember in their lifetime), first day at work in this company and her birthday (Madame, or Empress Dowager - that is what I refer her as to other colleagues).

It's a milestone, really. I can't describe the feeling but I guess I am feeling really glad.

Wow, it seems like I haven't blogged for four days. Can't help it for two reasons. First, I have been really busy at work (I am actually in the office very early right now because of an overseas conference call). Second is because I am now a very proud owner of a IPAQ! *snigger*

I finally landed my Compaq IPAQ on Monday night. Spent so much time fiddling with it for the past few nights, trying to figure out how it really works. I have been trying to find out more on game emulators (Gameboy Advance capability!), ebooks (no more lugging books around, Neal Stephenson on the move!) *beam*

I also tried playing songs on the IPAQ and the sound was very clear even though the file took an obscene chunk of space on the device.

I have already sold the Palm M125 for $350.

I have actually finished two books over the last week - Fever Pitch (Nick Hornby) and Snow Crash (Neal Stephenson). Got a new book from the library - How to be good (Nick Hornby also).

I think I am a laggard.

Maybe the whole world has watched Parry Hotter except me (laugh) already. I am still having a hangover after the German Film Festival I guess. Perhaps the good news is that they would be screening Crazy (it's rated RA by the way) commercially. Go watch it! I really don't mind watching it again. Look out for the songs from the show guys.

Advertistment -
Anyone want to buy a brand new (still shrinkwrapped) Palm M125 for $350 (retails for $449)? Email me if you are interested.

I am getting hooked on all the lo-fi music. Suddenly all my colleagues would have to put up with sounds from The Flaming Lips (The Soft Bulletin).

"They are just humans, with wives and children" - Racing For The Prize. (rolls eyes upwards and exposes the whites)

I had a really enjoyable evening getting know some other people who also blog. I do admit that it was kinda awkward for me especially when I had introduce myself as "the guy behind rusticappeal" (which I felt was very female-sounding). Maybe I should shed some light to how "rustic appeal" came about.

I caught this Japanse comedy drama (not those popular "dubbed in Chinese" types) a long time ago and one of the girls inside the show was asked to describe her boyfriend and she used the word "kinda rustic". Somehow that scene and the word "rustic" has stuck in my mind.

For some reason or other, I have a very strange fascination with old housing estates and once I have used the words "rustic appeal" to describe to someone the charm these housing estates have on me. Hence the words "rustic appeal" came to me. While I had to think of a something when I first got to Blogger that first words "rustic appeal" came to me and dang! - here it is.

Thanks to all of you for a nice evening even though I suck majorly at pool (from having played last than ten times in the past three years). The bigger shock was for me to find out that an old friend of mine actually owns the joint that we went to. Had a great time catching up bits with him. Bumped into another old friend in the joint as well and another afterwards when we were having drinks. Small world?

Usual routine of catching Slam Dunk on Saturday afternoon. One of my old classmates is getting married today and I would have to be at the wedding dinner tonight. Blessings to her *tiny-eyed wide grin*. It would definitely be a ball of time catching up with the rest of my old classmates. Seems like every wedding dinner is a gathering for all of us. It really doesn't seem like such a long time ago when all of us were teenagers in school. How time really flies.

Maybe I would have to go back to work tommorrow.

I went shopping at Golden Mile Food Centre (featured in some magazine that I was reading) during lunchtime on Wednesday. They have got nice and cheap T-shirts there. Maybe it's an alternative Far East Plaza except that there's lesser shops and the stuff is less exorbitant. One plus point is that you can enjoy the famous "Ah Balling" tang1 yuan2 after your shopping.

There was this cool shop that even sold VCDs of breakdance battles. I actually spent more time talking to this cool owner about bboying, turntablism, grafitti (also known as tagging) etc. than actual shopping. I would have loved to buy something from his shop because he's such a nice fella but he didn't have the size for that Prodigy shirt that I wanted. I guess I really didn't look abit like I knew anything about bboy culture because I look really dumb in my workwear when I first spoke to him.

I usually do my Chinese New Year shopping right after Christmas (because there are always Post Christmas Sales). I hope I can get a pair of Levis Engineered jeans, some nice short sleeve shirts (so that I can wear to work on Fridays). I have already got three new pairs of shoes that I haven't worn but I have decided on my Air Jordan 1 for Chinese New Year. Thinking far ahead huh?

Actually, I am really not a shopping person but I have a weakness for shoes. I almost bought five pairs of shoes when I was in Hong Kong. I swore Mummy would have killed me if I did that.

There was a really good game of basketball on Wednesday night. The areas of where I sustained serious injuries before were aching like hell so I suppose I might not be able to play as much bball as I would have wanted to. The areas are my spine (I had a prolapsed disc from playing bball) and my ankle (it's badly damaged really). I am supposed to stay off all contact sports actually.

Excellent film on FilmArt when I got home. Common Wealth. Looks like the spanish films were quite good even though I missed the last one because I went for the German Film Festival last Wednesday.

New thematic CD display is up. It's the combination of Deep Concentration series (from the very excellent OM Records stable) and Future Primitive Sessions (from the also very excellent Future Primitive collective). Just too bad that all the folks in the room gotta put up to b-boy, turntablist music from now onwards.

Actually, as impossible as it may seem, I am actually a b-boy wannabe who never had the guts to try it out.

If there's ever going to be an "important" post, this is it. Someone's truth and my take on Love.

I had just met up with a friend for lunch on Friday for me to present me with "the truth" about her painful breakup. My friend has been attached to her boyfriend for quite a while but she has always had this other close friend of hers that she hangs out with alot. Until one day both my friend and her friend realised that they are actually in love with each other after some many years. What does that leave her? The decision to have to choose between her boyfriend and the guy that she loves.

And she chose. She chose the leave her current boyfriend to be with her close friend (and I gave her my blessings). It's definitely painful for her and her boyfriend. She explained it's so painful because her boyfriend has been really nice to her all these years. After she finished her story I told her what I felt and my thoughts about what she just went through.

I expressed my sympathy for her boyfriend that she has chosen to forsake but yet I told her that love is meant to be unfair. It's meant to be selfish. Perhaps in our life, we can only love one person the most and that in itself is selfish. I told her that even a young girl like Anne Frank can coin "All is fair in love and war". She told me that she would never want to be put in such a predicament where she has to make such a painful decision (truth of love vs. moral conscience) again. I added my thoughts and these were my words "If you have chosen to stay with your boyfriend, it would have been a morally correct thing to do but that would have been a lie to yourself". The worst part is that both herself, her friend and her boyfriend all know each other (they were from the same JC). I cannot imagine the pain when the pair of them bums into one another.

Another heart goes up in flames. *Sigh*

A few months ago, I finished a book called The Love Hexagon (William Sutcliffe, who also wrote interesting works like New Boy and Are You Experienced?) and it's a story about complicated relationships revolving around six people. It showcases the ambivalence of human relationships - the weight of it all and the fragility of it. Like how people can break up "so easily" and yet "the intensity of the pain" it is. Like how easy and yet so difficult it is. So what is love? I am afraid I have no answers.

I am afraid I am not the best person that I would have wanted to be for that person I wanted to be the best for. I have lost innocence that I cannot regain. The fruits are bare in my secret garden. There's the constant wall of cynicism and bitterness that surrounds me. I would have wanted to give everything that I could. I would have wanted to do volunteer work with my loved one and "grow" together with her. I am afraid that now I have reached the point where I feel that everything between human beings are so fragile and that I can't live past a painful breakup (and to my friend's old boyfriend, I hope he finds the strength to pick up the pieces and move forward). There is really no innocence left for the next person and I would like to think that my innocence would have been the most precious thing that I could have afforded to give to her.

I have asked someone once on how this person feels about nothing being able to fall in love again. The answer was "Nothing, just regret". For as long as I live, I might never live to forget this answer that struck me so hard. Can I pray that I never live to feel this regret? Perhaps I am already there?

How do I tell someone that it hurts? How do you tell that person to stop hurting you? How do you tell that person that it's eating up every bit of you? How do you tell the person to set you free? How do you... ...

Issit that the flipside of the love coin has to be pain and suffering? Or even hatred? Someday will we know?

"Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah, someday we will go dancing on the moon"
"Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you"

There's just going to be more talk about German movies since I am doing nothing but watching German shows. Finished the last three shows. Alaska.de, Moonlight Tariff and Zoom (It's always about getting closer).

Alaska.de is another disturbing show about German youth. Exquisite, stunning cinematography and excellent soundtrack to the movie. I wonder if there is a actual soundtrack being released.

Moonlight Tariff was a riot. Very entertaining show about this neurotic girl named Cora, who went head over heels over some guy. An interesting take on adults, relationships and love. Nice soundtrack.

There is nothing so spectular about the "closing" show - Zoom (It's always about getting closer). Music from the film really fits the whole mood. The German Film Festival comes to a close today and the best show is easily Crazy.

As it's 25th November going 26th, it beings back memories of the same day a year ago.

I had the attended the best event of 2000 that day - Smith and Mighty live. I bummed into this girl whom I was absolutely crazy with for three and a half years from the age of 18 to 21. It happened that she is now 26 (like me), happily married to her first boyfriend and she's just living a few blocks away from me. She was together with her hubby and on her way home on a Saturday night while I was getting ready for a great party.

Last I heard, she was pregnant (should have given birth by now I suppose). But that night, the chance meeting with her stirred so much feelings/thoughts inside me. Deep down inside I felt really happy for her - loving husband, stable job, nice re-sale flat (4 room, upgraded) but on the other side I looked back at myself. What have I got? Nothing. No serious girlfriend, just starting out in my new job and absolutely no savings (don't even talk about a flat). All I have got is a night of good music to look forward to. I remember that I was smiling over the whole train journey. I really felt genuine happiness for her.

Smith and Mighty was a blast. It was actually beginning held in a masked up Hard Rock Cafe (we were actually being led in from the carpark and through their back entrance into the place). Those guys were nice enough to autograph all the CDs that I had with me. My friend even took a picture of them. I still have the club flyer now that says that the event will last until 5.00am in the morning but for some reason the party ended at about 3.30am.

Zoukout was last night. I swore I would never have gone to another Zoukout event after I attended the one last year. I actually fell asleep next to the DJ tent last year! Although the Guerilla guys were there last year, the support in the tent was utterly miserable. I waited for Richie Hawtin (another face of him would be Plastikman) but he wasn't really playing the stuff that I wanted (from the excellent album Decks, Efx and 909). This year's Zoukout hasn't even got a drum 'n' bass tent anymore! I suppose I would only be going for Zoukout if they ever had a drum 'n' bass tent and if they had Goldie, LTJ Bukem, Dieselboy or DJ Hype coming in to play in it, but I seriously wouldn't think they ever would.

Think about it. I haven't gone to any good events this year (unlike last year when they had stuff like Altivo and Mickey Finn). Maybe I will try to catch Kosheen when they come to town for the New Year's Eve gig at Sentosa.

Caught another two more films over the last two days. Interestingly, both films are about growing up and both films use the same lo-fi sounding music/songs which made my heart feel so wrenched.

Forget America is about the story of three teenagers. A bizarre love triangle while three of them has to slowly and painfully come in terms with society and the bleakness of their future despite being so positive about their own dreams at the start of the film (becoming a professional photographer in Berlin, running a successful American car-dealership, and succeeding as a credible actress). When they played Soul Coughing's (True Dreams of Wichita) at the last scene of the show it really brought the tears out again. The whole show had very lo-fi music while it progressed.

Crazy was a much more entertaining show (based on a very popular book in Germany) about Benni, who is has a paralysed left arm and leg; being sent to a very nice boarding school (a castle!) and the friends (and the girls) around him. Familiar themes about growing up - falling in love, insecurities, being intimidated of the future, discovering sexuality etc. The soundtrack of the show is simply awesome and the first thing I did when I got home was to look for the tracklisting of the soundtrack to this song. Fortunately, I found it and I downloaded most of the tracks that I could find. More lo-fi sounding music. I could feel the warm tears once again when Benni's friends did a acappella version of some song about Red Rose Rain for him.

- (Yesterday, Tomorrow and Today) Vic Chestnutt - lovely violins and guitar and a clear voice
- (Teenage Spaceship) Smog - lovely vocals and lyrics, decidedly slow but painfully aching
- (Sensation) Slut - The band name is a hoax really
- (Welcome) Slut
- (Off the rails) The Notwist
- (Serpentine) Deus - really touching song with slow acoustics

I have been putting (True Dreams of Wichita) on repeat. Maybe it's time I relive my fascination with lo-fi and dig out my Kids soundtrack (with the fabulous lo-fi mastery of Folk Implosion, Sebadoh and Daniel Johnston). I still have that article from BigO a few years back about lo-fi musicians.

I m going to read it tonight and download tons of lo-fi music while I drown myself in auto-repeat of (True Dreams of Wichita) and (Teenage Spaceship).

Watched The Tunnel last night. Truly remarkable film. I cannot find words to describe it. A showcase of human spirit - spirit of wanting to find a way to help their loved ones escape from East Berlin. The pain of seeing your loved one being separated from you by barbed wires (and later a wall). The madness - of the difference in ideologies. The drama - arising from the possibilities of them being hunted down by East German intelligence and the actual heart-stopping escape.

Another embarassing moment for me when I teared right the end of the show and I am sure that guy on my right was looking at me and baffled.

Forget America is the show I am going for tonight.

I have read about someone writing about the song (Stay - Faraway, So Close!). As I have previously stated, I do own six hundred CDs and the single of (Stay - Faraway, So Close!) happens to be the very first CD I bought on New Years' Day in 1994. It's a CD in a red digipack with a very interesting cover. I even have a tee that's printed with the same image of that cover but the tee is all faded now from wear and tear. It's interesting to see the link because the song is related to a film that revolves around Berlin too.

A friend is supposed to have lunch with me tommorrow. Just found out from her that she has gone through some painful breakup. She said she would tell me the truth over lunch tommorrow.

But I am sure the truth doesn't change anything.

German Film Festival is in town. This brings me to the fourth film festival for the year. I have attended the Israeli (Feb), Singapore (April), French (Oct) ones too.

I am going to watch -

- The Tunnel (opening film)
The Tunnel tells the true story of Hasso Herschel, a swimming champion from the German Democratic Republic, who, having escaped to the West through Berlin’s sewers, spent nine months digging a tunnel under the Berlin Wall to free his sister. Directed by Richter, one of Germany’s most prominent young directors, The Tunnel is a gripping and assured adventure, made all the more astonishing by the fact that it actually happened.

- Forget America
Two boys and a girl. Coming of age in eastern Germany: flights of fancy, dreams of grandeur, shattered illusions. A defeated region that has completely lost heart and three young people on the verge of discovering theirs. A time full of shattered hopes and broken dreams, full of furious passion and rage - and, yes indeed, quite simply the best time of their lives.

- Crazy
Sixteen-year-old Benni is sent to his fifth boarding school. His parents are praying that he will finally overcome his math deficiency and graduate. But for Benni, life isn’t just about math ... it’s about dealing with his typical teenage insecurities, which are compounded by the fact that he is partially handicapped. Although Benni doesn’t end up learning much about math, he learns a whole lot about life. Based on the best-selling novel by Benjamin Leber, Crazy is about growing up, deciding for yourself and believing that the future will be just fine.

- alaska.de
A gripping social drama about the sixteen-year-old Sabine who is sent to live with her father in a suburb of East Berlin. Feeling completely alone, she befriends Eddie and Micha. A party at Micha’s house turns into a nightmare when Sabine coincidentally becomes the witness of a murder. Terrified of what they’ve done, the boys threaten Sabine to keep silent. When Micha decides to take matters into his own hands, things only get worse ... Esther Gronenborn is undoubtedly a big discovery for German cinema. She is the first German film director to use the commercial aesthetic of today's youth in order to tell the teenagers a story about their world.

- Moonlight Tariff
Saturday evening: Cora Hübsch recently slept with Daniel for the first time and is now impatiently waiting for him to call her. That is the beginning of this story about love, sex and everyday vanities and forms the basis for telling the story of the encounter between Cora and Daniel in interlinked flashbacks and entertaining episodes. But, it also takes a couple of ironic pot-shots at the complex and sometimes complicated mechanisms of the relationships between women and men. Making use of a variety of narrative stylistic devices, the story constantly drifts off into anecdotes told in loving, detailed fashion about the frequently comical diversions and confusion inevitably accompanying two people finding their way to one another. The main drift of the story is Cora waiting at the telephone in vain. Cora experiences an emotional roller-coaster ride that finally brings her to the insight that he is not going to call. Cora has coincidence to thank for the fact that she ends up in the arms of her lover this evening as well as the insight that all of the well-meaning tips, bits of advice and wisdom only stood in the way of her finding the man of her dreams.

- Zoom - It's always about getting closer
Wanda works as a call girl. She doesn’t know it, but her neighbour, Waller, has his eye on her. She also doesn’t know that Waller is blackmailing her clients. One day Wanda and Waller meet in the house lobby and he tries to find out why she is working as a call girl. When he discovers her fate, he sees himself as her guardian angel, and with a new round of blackmailing, promises her a new, better life.

Celluloid calms me down. I remember how crazy it was when I clocked a total of 46 shows in during the Singapore International Film Festival. In my life, there aren't many things other than books, music and film that calms me down. I love film.

It was my turn to buy dinner last night and I bought my guest to Tuscany (Pan Pacific Hotel) for pasta buffet. Very nice place with nice ambience. You can have different type of pastas (which all sounded totally alien to me) and mix it with ten types of sauces (one sauce was called Aurora!) and the chefs will whip it up for you. Yum! We broke the rules last night as we ended up talking about business opportunities half the time.

Going out to buy the German Film Festival tickets now.

My blogs would get less frequent because I really don't want to write about depressing stuff.

Read about The Oddfellows on the Life section on Friday. I remember hearing their stuff when I was alot younger. Stuff like (So happy), (Unity Song) etc. Seems like they are going to perform at the Library at Ngee Ann City. The Oddfellows are way before the local bands that we have now. One can tell of the strong influence from The Replacements as they named their record label Tim Records (Tim is the title of a Replacements album). I think I would go and grab a copy of their album that they just put out with live outtakes and a collection of their older stuff.

There was a local compliation album out called Left Of The Dial (which incidentally, is also a title of a Replacements song) which boosts the works of local artists like Sideshow Judy, Lilac Saints, Livonia etc. I wouldn't dare to claim to be a supporter of local music but I did listen to a couple of them and I do own some local albums. Today, I still have the limited edition Lilac Saints album with the beautiful handmade sleeves. Whatever happened to the band AWOL (Artists WithOut Licence)?

There are moments that I had with local music. This song (Deeper) from Chris Ho (or X'ho). Hearing Humpback Oak live (especially the rendition of If I Am Weak). Soundtracks of 12 Storeys (a very good showcase of local music and a painfully haunting piano soundtrack from Kevin Matthews - Kevin is also one of the genius behind the group Popland) and Teenage Textbook etc. Maybe it's time I dug them out for a listen.

Who says local music isn't good?

My good friends are definitely feeling rich. One of them just bought a new PS2 and his brother just bought a new DVD player. Stayed over at their place on Saturday night for them to show off their new wares to me. But all I wanted was just good sleep.

Sunday night was breezy. I really didn't know where I wanted to go but I just wanted to get out of the house. Then I remembered the same breezy night a few years ago at Bedok Jetty when I wanted to throw my bicycle into the sea and jump right after it.

So I found myself back there again once again. It's the same rustling sound of the waves, the lights from the ships at out in the sea, light cool breeze that blows and watching the planes fly in with their gradual descent. I haven't eaten a morsel for the whole day by the time I got home at 9.00pm.

If I had to die it's got to be a night like this.

I had read from someone else's blog that one of the favoured artists is Yang Nai Wen.

Hence the urge to play her in the office. I have this concert CD that I bought that has artists like Yang Nai Wen, Chen Qi Zhen, Zhang Zhen Yue, Shunza etc. They are all artists under the Magic Stone and they are distributed by Rock Records. Much earlier, I bought that CD because of Chen Qi Zhen. The title of the CD is called Monster Live and it's actually a recording of the campus tours that they did in Taiwan. They were supposed to tour Singapore and Malaysia too but somehow that didn't materialise.

The songs she did seem to tie into the mood I am in now. My copy of album is signed by Shunza when she was in town two years back.

The first three tracks of the CD are done by Yang Nai Wen and two of them are in English. There was once when I was on my way to teach tuition and I just teared out when I heard Chen Qi Zhen's rendition of (Rang4 Wo3 Xiang3 Yi4 Xiang3 - translates to "Let me think for a while").

"Man4 Bu4 Zai4 Huang1 Yuan2,"
"Wo3 Xiang3 Zhao3 Yi4 Ke1,"
"Ching1 Sheng1 De4 Shu4,"
"You3 Yang2 Guang1,"
"You3 Liu2 Shui3,"
"Hai2 You3 Wei2 Feng1 Cui1"

Translates to - Slow walk in the wasteland. I want to find a tree by me, with sunshine, with flowing water and a light breeze that blows.

I am very sure she meant peace of mind and the lyrics are metaphoric. And I don't just listen to English songs and I am not anglophilic.

One new thing I learnt two days ago was how to use the pivot table function in Excel. Had to fiddle half a day before I could understand how it really works. I think any average Excel user would probably only know 1% of all the available functions on Excel. Maybe I have clocked 2% after learning about pivot tables.

Been listening to (Not So Manic Now) by Dubstar in my own bid to calm myself down. Doesn't seem to be working.

"When this younger man twenty-five, advantageously took away her pride"

In a bizzare way, this is a telling description of what I am going through except that the roles are reversed.

"I am not so manic now..." I wished.

I read many years ago about this song and actually the song is supposed to tell the story about a girl who was raped by a stranger in her own flat.

Spent the rest of Deepavali sleeping and I caught Princess Mononoke (courtesy of Morpheus again) in the evening. Was pretty impressed. Read in the credits that Neil Gaiman was actually the one who did the adaptation. Can't wait to catch Spirited Away, another anime film done by the same director who did Princess Mononoke.

Took half day leave today because I just wanted to get out of the office. First time that I participated in an overseas conference call with people calling in from many locations. Had to be in the office by 8.30am because it's 5.30pm for our American colleagues. I had wanted to go shopping but I realised much later that I am really not in the mood.

I am in the mood for nothing really. Nothing.

I called my nice colleague last night she could tell that I am going the to pits. So she was kind enough to invite me over to her place tonight to give me a chance to taste her cold pasta. How sweet.

For the first time in my life I tried my hand at buying red wine (I didn't want to go empty-handed). I just grabbed the bottle that Cold Storage stocked the most (thinking that Cold Storage would only stock many of these wines only if they were popular in the first place). The fact that I am a zero-alcohol person doesn't really help me much.

I guess she really wanted to hear me out because she was concerned. I was really touched by her gesture of cooking dinner and asking me over to her pad. It was nice to just chill out at her cosy place and talk over Chinese tea. Her effervescence, her optimism, her passion and love for life really made me feel alot better.

Thank you. For a warm evening and your kind hospitality.

I decided that I would stop crying from today onwards. No more sad songs. I have already shelved those CDs back to where they belong.

For a while I was thinking why I even bother with this blog because of all the emotional baggage that keeps building up. Until some kind people came to me with emails showering concern. Instantly it brought back memories of how I shredded all (but one) my diaries in a fit of anger a few years ago. I don't know until now if that feeling that swarmed over me immediately after that was regret. On that very day that I shredded my diaries I also did the most unthinkable, blasphemous thing - I tore apart the buddhist beads that I wore on my wrist.

I was this close to deleting my blog for good. Until you good people emailed me. I am really touched, what more can I say... ...

The feeling that I often get after coming out of depression is anger and perhaps this is the time when I bring out the "angry" or "heavy" music I have. Time to bring on (Anger - Rare Force 2 Meg Mix) by Ryuichi Sakamoto.

So I am not dead yet. But my eyes are swollen from too much crying.

Tonight is the night when no distance is too far for my legs. I just wanted to walk and the only place that I wanted to go was to where my Granny used to live until a few years back. So it was a two hour walk from Bugis (I went back to the office to get work done) to Macpherson Estate (Circuit Road). Think the distance of five MRT stops.

As I walked I sang all the songs that I knew that could make the tears swell. When I finally reached the vicinity of my Granny's old place, I really couldn't hold back the tears anymore. But it felt safe for me to cry, there was this homeliness feeling that wrapped around me and I felt like my eyes could secrete all the saltwater that it wants and there would be nothing that would inhibit me from doing so.

I never understood the feelings I have for all these old housing estates.

It's tonight when I could sing the saddest songs and let the storm run me out. Maybe someday I would know why Sylvia Plath killed herself for Ted Hughes.

Someday.

This morning Mum, Dad, my aunt and Granny boarded a plane to China to visit our ancestral home. This is the first time that my Mum has been out of Singapore other than Malaysia (also her first time on an airplane). I visited mine as well. Blk 67, Circuit Road.

Bringing more old CDs out.

Chronic depression.

Blogging will take a hiatus. I am going to drag out all my old Smiths, Radioheads, R.E.Ms and U2s out. Blogging might (not definite) continue if I am not dead by Sunday.

*Yawn*

I have been feeling lethargic recently. I admit that I haven't been at my top gear for work. Was really glad that I could finish at least 80% of what's been laid down by my boss. Working on the rest of the 20% now.

Caught The Girl Of Your Dreams on FilmArt last night. Penelope Cruz has so much charm. Looks like it's going to be Spanish Films for the month of November?

The Mee Rebus did so much harm to my gut this morning that I have no more appetite for anything else during lunch. I did manage to grab a bun and some Bobochacha during lunch though. Somehow I was reminded of Granny. Granny used to cook the most amazing things (like most other grannys do I suppose) and she used to do Bobochacha too. What amazed me the most was her ability to "improvise". Granny came from China but she learnt how to cook Mee Rebus, Mee Siam, Lontong, make curry puffs (very yummy) etc. in her own style and everything turns out good for my taste. My aunt (Granny is staying with my uncle and he just got married a few years back) doesn't even allow Granny to whip out goodies because she is too much of a cleanliness freak. It's such a pity. And it also seems like Granny's culinary skills will just be lost once and for all.

I will give up many things just to be able to taste Granny's curry puffs again.

Had pasta for lunch and it was absolutely yummy (Palette Cafe - Keypoint). Was so sleeply right after lunch because it was so filling.

I just felt like I had to go out and grab a new book to read yesterday and thus I spent my lunch at Stamford Road's National Library. The two books that I really wanted to lay my hands on were All Families Are Psychotic by Douglas Coupland and Glue by Irvine Welsh. They were not available so I have to settle for what I would label as "Memoir of an Arsenal Fan", yes you would have guessed it - it's Fever Pitch.

There is this familiarity because I have just finished watching High Fidelity over the weekend. It's interesting to observe how Nick Hornby blends things that most people are passionate about into his stories about himself (music, records with High Fidelity; footie with Fever Pitch).

Due to the influence of High Fidelity, I suddenly find myself humming to some of the older songs that I use to listen to a long time ago.

i) Counting Blue Cars - Dishwalla
ii) I Wanna Be Adored - The Stone Roses
iii) When All I Want Is You - U2
iv) Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
v) Sometimes Always - The Jesus And Mary Chain w/Hope Sandoval (who sings for Mazzy Star)
vi) If God Would Send His Angels - U2 (been looking very hard for the movie City Of Angels from Morpheus)

There is this foreign yet familiar feeling (ambivalent) because most of the music that I have bought or listened to are mostly electronic stuff without vocals. Maybe it's time that I bring out some of the older stuff that I own for a listen.

Had a talk in the middle of the night with my younger brother. We are very different (he doesn't listen to english music, doesn't read english books) but we are quite close. Even though we have very differing interests in life, we still manage to respect what each other for what we are. We were kinda updating each other on what each of us are going through and it was just kinda nice to be able to just catch up with each other (he just came home from Reservist Training last week).

I never had the chance to tell him about my blog but I gave him the URL that night and I hope he can learn more about me because we seldom get to talk to each other very much as both of us seldom see each other.

Hey boy, if you are reading this now. Does it feel good to be featured in your big brother's blog? *grin*

Decided to go shopping on Saturday after hearing that my buddy has already gone on a mean streak after he cashed in his NSS shares.

I finally found the Decepticon t-shirt after waiting for 2 months. I can't never forget the "hunt" that I went on just to land myself the Autobot t-shirt when I was in Hong Kong (Decepticons and Autobots belong to an old cartoon called Transformers and there used to be alot of Transformers toys in the past as well).

When I was shopping in Hong Kong, I spotted someone wearing the Autobot t-shirt and I told myself that I must have that. On one occasion, me and my buddy got lost and most of the Hong Kong fellas just ignored us except for this young girl who was distributing flyers that was kind enough to direct us to the place that we wanted to go. She had a simple request for us to visit the toy shop that was on the top of the building. We told her that we would come back after we have done our shopping (which was a lie because at that point we never intended to come back). However, we were kinda guilty and we made our way back to that toy shop. To my surprise, someone working in the toy shop was wearing a different Transformers t-shirt and I asked him where I could buy the Autobot t-shirt that I saw. He wrote the address down for me and told me that the shopping centre is somewhere in Mongkok.

My buddy was getting pissed at me always getting him to ask strangers for directions in Cantonese (I can't speak it) and thus I decided to find out where that place was on my own. I had to gather more clues from every small clue I have. The only clue that I had was that that shopping centre sold alot of porn. After the first hour, I found out where the shopping centre was.

The shopping centre was a maze and I ended up having to walk the whole damn place to look for the shop. It was only after the third visit and asking around like mad (imagine me trying to ask about an Autobot T-shirt not knowing Cantonese) that I found the shop. I had no choice but to buy the last T-shirt that's an XL size one. I actually went shopping alone just to look for this stupid shirt while my friends went to Ocean Park. That night we were supposed to board the plane back home.

Best part was when I found out three months later that some shop in Singapore actually sold that same shirt that I bought at a lower price. So much for the hunt. *Humphz*

Maybe that says something about me. I just love going on wild goose searches, to find clue after clue and try to solve some mystery. Even when the effort is sometimes really futile (like this classic case of looking for the Autobot t-shirt).

I finally completed living out one of my teenage dreams today. It's the dream of owning all the Nike Air Jordan sneakers that I want.

When I was between the ages of 14 to 17 was when Nike released the nicest basketball sneakers of all time and that's the Air Jordan series. There was no way that I could have afforded those sneakers at that age and now Nike gave me a chance to live out the dream of me owning the four pairs of basketball sneakers that I wanted to own so badly when I was a teenager, by making "replicas".

I finally completed the collection today when I shelled out $150 for a pair of Blue/Black Air Jordan 1 sneakers. Over the past two years, I have managed to track down and buy Air Jordan 3,4,5 for myself. It's complete now. But because mummy complains that I have too many shoes, I actually have to store two of my unworn Air Jordan sneakers with my buddy. I will bring them home when Chinese New Year is around the corner so that Mummy can't complain about me buying shoes again.

Sunday was the last weekend in the World Rythmn Series and I caught The Groove with two of my other colleagues. Their music had the soul and vibe too and three of us really enjoyed ourselves (plus this time round they had wine, tuna sandwiches, chips etc compared to two Sundays ago where we could only watch and gape at other people enjoying themselves). I even took a slow walk around the concert area and it felt so good. Even better was when I laid on the grass and look up at the clear blue sky, letting my thoughts wonder while I watched the birds soaring high in the sky.

Two ladies got slightly drunk and started making a din (I am a zero-alcohol person and thus I didn't drink a single drop). So embarrassing. Many thanks to The Groove for an afternoon of wonderful and lively music.

And I am going to miss these concerts like how I will miss the Bontanical Gardens

Was watching High Fidelity (compliments of Morpheus) until 3.00am in the morning. The best thing about watching movies on the computer is the fact that you can pause the movie, go to sleep and catch the unfinished part the next morning.

Today is one of those rare Saturday mornings when I couldn't sleep after waking up at 5.30am. I tried to make myself sleep more but by 8.30am my body just couldn't fall asleep anymore. I caught the rest of High Fidelity.

I was really impressed with the show because of how it showcased many different types of music and not just any particular genre. I heard Goldie, Chemical Brothers, The Beta Band, Peter Frampton, Elton John, Belle & Sebastian, Liz Phair, Edith Frost, Bruce Springsteen (even had a cameo in the show), Barry White (it's a show about love, whaddaya expect?), Velvet Underground, Elvis Costello, Al Green, Stiff Little Fingers, Vaseline (the song on the show was covered by Nirvana on their live album - Jesus Don't Want Me For A Sunbeam), Bob Dylan, Aretha Franklin, Eric B & Rakim (two songs from the ol skool. Yum), Lou Reed, De La Soul, The Kinks, The Roots, Stereolab, Marvin Gaye, High Llamas and many many more on the show.

The film is based on a book by Nick Hornby and I really love the record shop setting that the story is based on. I can't wait to visit a record shop if I manage to visit UK or US. The feeling of being surrounded by all that wax (vinyl)! I can't even afford a turntable now. *Sigh*

I have been going through my CD database (I have an Excel file containing a listing of CDs that I own) and I was absolutely disgusted with myself. I should be banning myself from buying anymore CDs because there are still about 50+ CDs that I have not opened/listened to. This is a sin. I remember those days in school when I could probably only afford five CDs in one whole year and I had to be really sure that the CD was worth my allowance before buying it. After which you would have to live with listening to just twenty CDs for the whole year. In the age of the internet when I could sample any album before buying any CD, I actually bought more mediocre CDs than before and it's such a waste when you listen to one CD you bought and you even forget about owning it at all until mummy tells me to pack my room again.

I am coming up with a list of unlistened CDs and a list of unwanted CDs to put up for sale. Part of the reason why I own 600 CDs now is because I used to get alot of CDs free.

This is a sin and I am going to start to atone for them by listening only to those CDs that aren't opened yet (some of which I have bought two years ago).

It was a double embarrassment on public transport yesterday. Tears swelled up my eyes when I was on the MRT to work and when I was on a bus home. Thanks to this book - The Rice Room, written by Ben Fong Torres.

Attention to Dream Catcher has been absconded to The Rice Room. It's a story about growing up as a Chinese in America and all the cultural and social conflicts. He struggled through his life and one of his high points was becoming the an editor for Rolling Stone magazine and a pioneer rock 'n' roll radio DJ. He had a special Torres name behind because his dad came to US from China through Philippines on a forged certificate and the whole family had to adopt the Torres name. And now the attention can go back to Dream Catcher.

Boss was kinda touched with our "surprise" lunch treat for him. Was quite full after the food and there was another little tea party for all the other bosses in the enclosed area that I worked in. They remarked that it was the first time that anybody celebrated any "Boss day" with them and so they were visibly happy.

Was listening to Meat Beat Manifesto (actually the band's name is reference to masturbation) in the office. Wonderful stuff from the album Original Fire. They were one pioneer bands before the whole electronica wave caught on. Even Liam Howlett from Prodigy thinks that Meat Beat Manifesto's Radio Babylon is one of the best rave anthems ever (hence he dropped the tune in his own DJ mix - The Dirtchamber Sessions Vol. 1). Seems like Jack Dangers has been cooking some wicked mixes and spins on his own (like the one he did on Shadow Records).

The weekend is here.

It's such a pity that there was this drizzle that marred the evening yesterday. There was no real bball happening but I felt really good when I ended up teaching some kid how to shoot hoops. I hope that would have helped me to clock the karma I need for the day.

Apparently it wasn't enough good karma because the bus didn't stop for me when I flagged it and thus I wasted half an hour just waiting for public transport.

I think my thematic CD display has attracted same attention in the office. Some of my colleagues that have walked past stopped to ask me about the music (which I have been more than glad to share). After a closer examination, I realised that actually all the CDs that I bought to the office are in digipacks (i.e paper type of CD housing, which is different from the more conventional plastic jewel case type). I remember reading somewhere in someone's blog about his love affair with digipacks. I am not a really great fan of digipacks because you have to be extra careful with them. If you happen to break the "teeth" (the protruding plastic that secures the CD when it's inside the casing), you will have NO chance of replacing it. I wrap up all my digipack CDs with plastic wrappers because the of the paper covers - think of all the stain, dust, water etc that can get to the digipack.

Today has been a mad day. I am still in the office at 8.00pm and it's just been a mad rush since I have stepped into the office this morning. I had a good lunch with friend and we were discussing the depressing news about how 2,000 other employees in our industry are going to be retrenched. Looks like all of us have to work really hard just to keep ourselves employed.

It's Boss day tommorrow and three of us has hatched a plan to bring our beloved Boss out for lunch (at some posh Thai restuarant - Purvis Street). Friday is going to be here in a few hours time.

Yes, I am the bozo who only discovered Morpheus 2 weeks back. Ever since then, I have been on a downloading streak and I have tried to download old movies and anime films that I have missed (e.g Fifth Element, Pi, High Fidelity etc)

Finally caught Spriggan last night, I had only managed to catch the last 1/3 of the show when Arts Central screened it half a year ago. I loved it. Been trying to download Princess Monoke right after I was done with Spriggan.

I got majorly pissed when my computer hung and everything that was in progress got wiped up (that means I have to download all over again!). That didn't happen the last few times my computer hung as Morpheus was able to continue to where the computer left off. *Sigh*

New thematic CD display! Logical Progression + Progression Sessions. It's really too bad that my colleagues/boss has to live with atomspheric drum 'n' bass for the next two weeks. Blissed out in all the music *Hazy smile*.

There is a big irony about downloading music online. With programs like Audiogalaxy, one can practically download almost everything, but I still end up buying CDs which I might just chuck aside after one or two listens. I could have checked out any album by downloading them for a listen first before shelling out my hard earned money for them, but CD buying is really an impulse purchase (that is how I managed to have 600 CDs *Sigh*) and I always end up buying without listening to them. I really can't explain the phenemenon of how I have in mind what to download while I am at work, on the train, in the washroom, playing bball but I just forget everything/don't know where to start when I sit in front of my computer and have the world's music at my disposal. Someone suggested sending emails/SMS to myself.

The music that I am playing now is getting me a high. Progression Sessions - Blame featuring DRS

I have this little deal with the VP of my ex-company. We will take turns to bring each other to a new dinner place every month (plus pay for it) and this month is her turn to do so. Part of the deal is that we will refrain from talking about business (my ex-company is my vendor now) and that we will not claim for what we spent on the dinners that we buy each other.

She bought me to this place at East Coast Road called Margarita's that serves authentic Mexican food. And believe it or not, this is the first time I am trying out Mexican food.

I tried the three items that were recommended by the lady there. Ceviche is this really interesting appetizer - a little bowl of small chunks of raw fish that has been marinated in lemon/lime juice for a long time. Kinda sour but really tasty. I forgot the name of the mushroom dish but it's huge button mushrooms that tasted really really good (the sauce was really good). Then I had the Fajitas, which is like Mexican poh-piah. Yummy! Had alot of fun just trying to do up your own Fajitas (they serve you the ingredients for you to do it yourself). For dessert, I finally learnt what a souflette is and god it really does melt my heart (and my tastebuds)! The lady that I was having dinner with even told me stories about how she had to sit for "Cooking" exams for her 'O' levels and that the souflette dish would be one of those practicals that she has to do.

For someone like me who has never been to Jack's Place until the age of 21, the places that I have been bought to ever since I started working are always eye-openers for me. However, I will somehow feel very conscious of myself at all these posh dining places. Somehow, I don't really like business lunches or dinners even though some of my other friends express envy at the places that I have been to. I guess they really don't know how uncomfortable I am especially when you can't have fun and monkey around like those instances when you are eating with your friends and I really could live without all those pretentious talk when you dine with your business associates.

And so next month is my turn. It's kinda like a challenge for me because I am really some food idiot. I guess I better check out with my colleague who spends $800 on food and fine dining every month, on where I should go next month.

Because I am pissed with how Blogger always screws up my archive links, I am switching for it to show 45 previous posts and a monthly archive for newbies who has just started visiting my blog. Personally I felt that the earlier posts had more flavour than what I have been blogging recently.

More of The Cure for a dreary afternoon.

I didn't notice that the neighbours on my left were moving out until Friday night when I noticed that their house was pretty bare from moving. One of them came over on Saturday afternoon to bid us farewell and then he was gone. They had been our neighbours for the past 20 years even though I was never really close to them (however, we are very close with the neighbours on our right). Best of luck to the Wong family in their new place in Punggol. And I wonder who's gonna to be our next neighbours.

I was also oblivious to the fact that Saturday night was Halloween until a colleague of mine messaged me "Happy Halloween" through SMS. We had a ball of a time last year when me and my good mate borrowed a digital camera from his boss and we trooped down to Zouk to take pictures of people in fascinating make-up and costumes. Our intention was never to go inside Zouk but just to talk to people queuing up and go on to take shots of them in their fancy costumes. The irony is that I never saw the shots even though he was supposed to upload everything onto his website (we registered a domain together and I was supposed to do write-ups on music and events). So I guess the site is dead now?

Had The Cure's Show as breakfast listening.

The usual routine of waking up just before Slam Dunk is aired on TV. Woke up at 9.00am in fear thinking that it was a weekday but when straight back to sleep when my mind realised that it was Saturday.

Went out with my "predecessor" (i.e. the person in my current job before I took over). I wouldn't have gotten this job if not for her. The people that I am working for now were actually some of the clients that were under my charge when I was working for my previous company. I suppose my current boss had the belief then that I could fill my "predecessor's" shoes and thus he hired me without any interviews or additional external search at his end. I guess it's the rapport that I have built with her and my current boss. I really felt that it was this huge lucky break for me.

I have read at least three people's blogs talking about Battle Royale. Honestly, I wanted to watch the show because Kitano was in it. I fell in love with Kitano's antics when I caught Kikujiro in last year's Singapore International Film Festival (for those who felt that Kitano's face seems kind of familiar after watching BR - he's one of the two deadpan hosts on the Japanese gameshow Takeshi Castle that TCS screened a few years back where the contestants had to cross obstacles and try to conquer a castle). Takeshi Kitano has just finished shooting a new film called Brother and there was a full write-up on him (plus front cover and interview) on East magazine just two months ago. He also featured in Merry X'mas Mr Lawrence (I once wrote about the OST tune on 19/10/2001) starring David Bowie and Ryuichi Sakamoto (he wrote that wonderful tune), directed by another cult Japanese director Nagisa Oshima.

Went for dinner (at my favourite dinner place - Pivdorf, Liang Seah Street) and did lots of catching up. There's alot to say because I haven't seen her for half a year. I was glad she liked the show.

By midnight, I was at a friend's house having a "all night long Big2 session". I will dismiss it as fun rather than gambling because the stakes were just like $0.10 per card. To me, Big2 is like this really interesting game that involves memory, intelligence, probability, psychology and raw nerves. Usually our monetary returns doesn't justify the time and sleep that we lost in the process but it's alot of fun when you crack jokes and talk crap over the game.

I lost about $15.00 anyway.

Introspection mode

Actually I feel alot better now than before my birthday.

I have made a truce with myself to be kinder to myself. To not be so bitter, to not terrorise myself, to not escape by asking more questions that I have no answers for. I understand that my intensity as a person affects both my well-being and those around me (family members, friends, colleagues etc). I am sorry for the fact that sometimes I just pack myself into the books, films and music and shut myself out from everyone and all those sordid thoughts that I shared.

I am tainted. I have broken wings. I am selfish.

I had actually really been kinder to myself. I have picked up active reading again. I have learnt to take things alot easier. But I cannot ignore things around me and the feelings that I have for them. I cannot pretend to be insensitive and ignorant to the things around me. I live to feel, to sense, to touch, to hold; not just to verk (read: work), eat, sleep, play, look at girls. I don't want to live a blank life where I cease to feel, think for myself, conclude, get things wrong (read: learn). I am not a plant.

But I am jaded.

How do I thank everyone? How do I acknowledge that I am not taking everything around me for granted, while I continue to breathe?

Thanks everyone?

Last rant of the night. The archive links are going crazy. I hate myself for being an Internet idiot!

Just bumped into a good friend of mine at the MRT station and he told me that there's a new Goldie album out. Am I am laggard or what?

I went out to visit all my competitors today, collect their marketing materials, talk to their sales people (by pretending to be one of their potential customers) and look around. In the industry I am in, all my competitors are situated in the heart of town and all of them are within walking distance of each other (except for the market leader, who is situated slightly further). Using the infamous Baking Analogy, we are trying to see if we can also bake some new varieties of cakes that other people are already baking. We are good at baking the type of cakes that we have always been baking but too many bakers have been trying to bake easy cakes like those that we have been baking and it's getting a lil too crowded.

One thing that I noticed about the people that they employ that work at the front lines of their head office - it's all the gorgeous girls with an hour glass figure. Perhaps the strangest thing is that I can't really tell one from another. They all seemed to look the same to me. I don't think I can ever get hired to be a front line person because I am definitely not your "pretty people" type.

My CDs are home, time to reshelf them (Argh!).

More about buses. I realised after the blogging how much I really adored buses.

I was a fanatic. At the age of 11, I collected bus tickets, bus guides, learnt about all the different bus models they had then (Mercedes, British Leyland, Volvo etc.). It was mad. A few years after, I read in the supplement that came with the chinese papers that there was someone who was even more "fanatical" than me. He has even gone to the extent of bringing home the bus poles, bus stop seats etc. And I thought I was weird.

Going to bring my CDs home tonight. Here's the playlist for my very own "DJ Kicks Megamix" :

- (Shoalin Satelite) Thievery Corporation, (Que Dolor) Sapien, (Tropicando) Les Baxter, (Rebirth) A Forest Mighty Black, (Free Your Mind) Piece, (69) Desire, (Psycodelico) Reminiscence Quartet, (Puzi) Gescom, (In a Bottle) C.O.D, (Please Stand By) BFC, (Ladies & Gentlemen) 69 Jazzfunkclassics, (Tell The World) Sci Fi Select, (Gettin' Down Again) Tek 9, (G String Remix - Andrea Parker) G-File, (Om Namah Shivaya) The Bill Wells Octet vs. Future Pilot A.k.a, (Quite Frankly) DJ Lynx, (Culture Customers) Tongue, (Theme From Control Centre - Reprise) The Herbaliser, (Tounge Of Labyrinth) Divine Styler, (Roller Rinks And Chicks) Freddy Fresh, (From The Ground Up) The Associates, (Latazz) The Funky Lowlives, (At The Helm) Hieroglyphics, (Rhino Part III) Stereo MC's, (Tried by 12) The East Flatbrush Project, (Zero G) Minus 8, (Emerald Alley) Up, Bustle & Out, (It's a Latin Thing) Freddy Fresh, (Break It Down) DJ Paul Nice, (Alphabet Aerobics) Blacklicious, (Shake Up - Jaddle Remix) Grand Unified, (Overooped) Smokers Blend, (Rwanda) Smith & Mighty, (Ponteio - Bonus Beats) Da Lata, (Ease Jimi) Nightmares On Wax, (The 13th Sign) Rainbow, (Success - Thievery Corporation Remix) DJ Cam, (Burning) DJ Krust, (Sole Sentiment) Ratman, (Exploration) The Karminsky Experience Inc, (Amid The Ether) Blue & Red feat. Shandi I, (The Phantom - It's In There) Renegade Soundwave, (Renegades Chant) Afrika Bambaata & The Soulsonic Force, (Mother Africa Feeding Sista India/2001) Fun-da-mental/Thievery Corporation, (Walk On) Smith & Mighty, (Five Days) Howie B, (Anyone) Smith & Mighty, (Lash The 90ties) Alec Empire, (Original Nuttah) UK Apache & Shy FX, (Sound Boy) More Rockers, (Higher Dub) Smith & Mighty, (Show Love) More Rockers, (Never Not - Blackdog Remix) Nav Katze, (Suicide) Alec Empire, (Java Bass) Shut Up And Dance, (Pound Your Ironing Board) The Mike Flowers Pops vs. Slang, (Sweat) Shizuo, (Road To The Riches) Kool G Rap & DJ Polo, (Sex, Sluts & Heaven - Bordello Mix) Depth Charge, (Milan) Tommy Hools, (Dark Jazz - DJ Cam Remix), Daphreephunkateerz, (Dieu Reconnaitra Les Siens) DJ Cam *fingers tired from typing*

I hope that anyone would just go download any of these tracks and "surprise" themselves. Especially those artists whose names don't sound famaliar to anyone. Since I think no one would have the patience to download everything, it's one's luck if someone decides to download anything and I hope they like what I like too. That much I can offer *Weak grin* If I was a DJ, this would be my vinyl wish list.

Note : The list contains a mix of drum 'n' bass, dub, reggae, down-tempo, lounge, indian, south american, hip-hop, old skool, IDM, elevator music, cacophony, drone music etc.

Bball is fun! Had my liberating run into the darkness again. It's such an embarrassment to my fitness when 400m is all it takes to knock me out. *Breathless* Thank god I never have to do IPPT in my life again or I will be a permanent RT (Note : RT or Remedial Training is conducted by the SAF for those who cannot pass their IPPT) candidate.

There's not many experiences in this world that can beat that feeling. That feeling of having the wind brush past your face so hard that you have to squint as you look out of a speeding double-decker bus plying the PIE. How I miss bus rides on non-airconditioned double decker buses.

I love bus rides. A huge part of my fondest memories come from my "round island bus hikes" in my childhood. My uncle (a 30 year SBS employee who just retired last year) used to bring me and my three other cousins on free bus rides from one end of the island to another. From Macpherson (usually the starting point because that was where they stayed), we would ride to places like Jurong and ride from Jurong to another place etc etc. My "bus hikes" has taken me to the old Punggol Terminal, NTU (when I was 11 years old, 15 years back i.e.), Labrador Park (nice Char Kway Teow I remember), old Tanjong Rhu (was like a fishing village then) and many other places.

It's such a pity that there ain't much non-airconditioned double decker buses now and a bus ride is alot less romantic now with those grating TVMobile sets that broadcast distasteful slapstick crap.

That was my fun as a kid growing up in a lower social class family. Nonetheless, it's crystalised into a memory which no me can take away from me.